Now that we have looked at what introversion is, I wanted to address things I have heard, or found in my research, that are common misconceptions of introverts. (Sorry if I repeat myself with things I wrote in part one) These are things that are NOT TRUE!
1. "Introversion" and "Shy" are interchangeable. Not all introverts are shy, and not all shy people are introverts. We've looked at the definition of introversion once, but just to review, introversion is: inward turning, focusing more on internal thoughts, feelings and moods rather than seeking out external stimulation. Shy is: feeling nervous and uncomfortable about meeting and talking to people; showing that you are nervous about meeting and talking to people; tending to avoid something because of nervousness, fear, etc. So, as you can see, shyness is avoiding talking to people or meeting people because of fear or nervousness, whereas introversion has nothing to do with fear at all, but focuses on our personal internal focus. I think that they so easily get confused because 1. Both shy people and introverted people will turn down the chance to meet someone new, and 2. shy people like to refer to themselves as simply introverted, even if they know better. In today's culture there's tons of pressure to not be afraid to be different, be brave, just be yourself, be unique. It is a HUGE no-no to be worried about what others think of you, to be afraid of how people are going to react to what you say, and that is exactly what shyness is! So, who really wants to admit to that? I had a hard enough time admitting to myself that I was afraid of what other people thought of me, or uncomfortable talking to someone new, much less getting to the point where I could admit it to others. I would get quite upset when people told me I was shy, because I was NOT shy! I could not face the fear I had of other people, because I knew, deep down, that it was not cool to feel that way. Because I did not want to feel that way. It took a lot of maturing, and confidence building, to get to the point where I could admit that I WAS, and still occasionally AM, shy as well as introverted.
2. Introverts don't have, or don't share, their own opinions. While introverts do like to take time to collect all available information and take everything in before forming an opinion, they do have opinions! They also are not afraid to share their opinions. Introverts can be very outspoken, defensive, and/or determined, especially when engaged in a topic that is important to them, or when with close friends and family.
3. Introverts don't make good public speakers. In reality, an introvert can be quite comfortable getting up in front of a crowd and voicing their opinions or knowledge on a subject. (The fear of public speaking is more along the lines of shyness than introversion, people!) It's the possibility of mingling with that crowd after the speech that the introvert may not relish because it takes a lot of energy for the introvert and they may find it meaningless.
4. Introverts are (more) creative (than extroverts). Since our creativity is something we tap into when we are in an introverted space, introverts may have a tendency to display this creativity more often, but given the right mood, or the right amount of time, an extrovert can just as easily outshine an introvert in this area.
5. Introverts are stuck-up, or feel they are too good for you. I believe this misconception comes from a few separate facts common to introverts. 1. Introverts are very comfortable with a small group of friends, and often do not feel the need or desire to get to know more people. 2. Introverts, especially when in a large group setting, have the tendency to wait for their friends or desired activities to come to them, rather than extend the invitation themselves. And 3. Introverts dislike small-talk. They feel that small talk creates a barrier between themselves and the person they are talking to, and they don't like that barrier. Because introverts find small talk disingenuous, many of them have not even developed the thought process it takes to create small talk, so people see them as unfriendly.
6. You will always find an introvert alone, or with only one other person. While this is usually what introverts prefer, because of societal pressures and misconceptions, many introverts have become very good at creating a bubbly, butterfly personality for social interactions. They may actually even enjoy being the center of attention, but afterwards they go home and spend some time alone to recharge their batteries. Introverts are also much more outgoing around people they know well, so when they are in this type of setting they can easily be the most outgoing person in the room. Again, after this interaction, they will look for some downtime.
7. Introverts don't like people. I think this misconception stems from many of the same reasons as the idea that introverts are too good for you (point #4), along with the reason that introverts crave alone time, and will choose it over going out.
8. Introverts don't enjoy a party. Introverts can and will have a good time at a party, or in a crowded and chaotic atmosphere, but they are losing energy while there, and will need to find time alone to recharge after being out.
9. Introverts always want to stay home. As an introvert, all I can say is that there are definitely times where I want nothing more than to socialize! And I will get cabin fever I stay in too much!
10. Introverts are depressed. I think if we asked most people in today's society to describe what a depressed person would look like, they would provide an image of someone who spends hours alone in their room. Someone who shuts themselves away from interactions with others. Personally, I think this is a bit of a misconception as well, but that's a completely different topic. So, because introverts crave so much time alone, and, as mentioned, will do what it takes to get it, people mislabel them as depressed. It's possible that this also comes from the fact that extroverts (who gain energy from social interactions) might feel sad after they spend too much time away from other people, and so they have a difficult time understanding the introverts desire.
11. Introversion is a mental disorder. Introverts are often told they need to change. They need to become more outgoing. They need to talk more, participate more, get out more. Other people may even go so far as to suggest that there is something "wrong" with them. As recently as 2010, the American Psychiatric Association even considered classifying "introverted personality" as a disorder by listing it in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), a manual used to diagnose mental illness. As I have said, I am no expert, and if it were to be classified as a mental disorder, I would be in no position to argue. But, to me a disorder means there is something wrong, something that can be changed, and I don't see how being an introvert could be anything I could change about myself. While I could learn how to create small talk, and I could become a social butterfly, I could participate more, get out more, talk more...essentially I could, outwardly, become the person those others want me to be. But, the bottom line is that I would still create energy when I am alone, and deplete it when I am with other people. I would become exhausted and stressed to be this other person all the time, and I would not be a happy person. Because, really, who is happy if they have no energy and are stressed all the time?
What myths have I missed? Have I pushed your idea of what an introvert is? Are you introverted? If so, what have you heard about yourself (in regards to introversion) that is simply not true? Why do you identify yourself as introverted? If you're not introverted, what do you use to determine if someone else is? And what do you struggle to understand about introverted people?
Looking for more? Read also: http://uldissprogis.com/2013/05/04/wrong-stereotypes-of-introverts/
Part One: What is It? (references posted here)
Part Three: Applying it to my Life
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