Having a Special Glow

This kinda-sorta ties in with my last post...at least my last post made me think of this when a comment-er (my mom) noted that life is funny: it isn't always what it seems, and people in Ecuador probably remember me, too. One thing I have really wanted is to be someone people remember. I want to be someone people notice, someone people say ‘yeah, I've met her!’ I have a friend who has this peaceful and special way about her that reaches out to everyone. People who have met her remember how kind she is. They leave her feeling as if she is a new, dear friend that they could tell anything to. I want to be like that. I want people to remember that I had a role in this life, however small or briefly. In my small church community, when I reconnect with someone I've only met once before, they rarely remember meeting me (at least that's the way it seems to me). I have to introduce myself through my dad (who is a minister), my brother (who is very outgoing and chatty) or my sister (who travels a lot, also outgoing). I want people to know that I was WITH my sister, brother, dad when he/she came to visit them, even without an outgoing personality. I've seen it, I know it can be done, somehow... I want them to remember me for me, not my family. I want to be their friend. I want to make an impact, and I want to inspire. I want them to feel comfortable telling me their struggles, because I want to help them. I want to know people actually see me. For years I liked being invisible. I felt proud when I’d do dishes and overhear someone say something like ‘I've been in front of this dishwasher the whole time, and here someone has done all the dishes already! I wonder who it was?!” Suddenly, I don’t feel proud, I feel disgusted that they didn't even notice me right in front of them. Suddenly, I want them to KNOW it was me! I want to be noticed and recognized. How do I find that? How do I become that? I’m trying really hard to open the doors of honesty between family, friends, strangers and myself. To initiate conversation. To share a piece of myself and create an environment where they can share, too. I hope that, in time, people will remember meeting me. I hope I can create that ‘special glow’ within myself and be noticed, respected, and remembered.

It seems as though some people are just born with this 'gift', this 'special glow', like my daughter. Cheerio seems to draw attention everywhere we go, right from day one. At first I thought it was the whole new mom thing. The pride when you're adorable first born is commented on, that glow you get when a cashier notices you have a kid (as opposed to the horror you got when they thought someone else's kid was yours), the huge smile when a sweet old lady asks you how old she is......but, now, it seems to me, to go beyond the usual "cute kid" attention. Walking through the mall, at the grocery store, and in the middle of a room full of kids, people will single her out. It's not like she's out looking for attention either, if its not coming from mom, grandparents, daddy, she tends to fade back as soon as she realizes she is being watched or talked about (And don't you dare laugh at her if she's not trying to be funny!). What is it about her I wonder? What does she possess that grabs peoples attention? Is it her high-energy, obliviously-sing-and-jump-through-the-store-type personality? Is it her seemingly extreme mood changes? When she is happy, she is exuberantly so. When she is sad, even the slightest, nothing can stop the tears. When she is concerned, you see it in her whole body. When she is disappointed at all, you get the whole shoulder droop, sad faced look. When she is mad it is all-out screaming tantrum like you've perhaps never experienced in your life, she has a set of lungs I tell you! Or is it just her white-blonde hair and almost too-white (but surprisingly, not easily burnt) skin? Seriously, she was once mistaken for a ghost, with the soft, early-morning sun streaming behind her as she sat alone at the top of the stairs in our apartment complex. Perhaps the guy was over-tired, or had something else going on, but he was obviously scared, none-the-less. I guess it just makes me wonder if being noticed, this special energy certain people have to capture attention, is completely a natural gift, or if it's something I can also achieve, if I work at it? Either way, I am working on carrying myself with the confidence I know I have, being open and genuine. And I hope that it will help me 'be someone'. I'm not saying I want to grab the attention of everyone in the room. And I don't want to be famous, or talked about. I just don't want to be 'a part of the wall' anymore.