Hit by a Truck....

that's all I can say. The sandman, he's been overly generous with my portion of sand lately, and I'm kinda wishing he'd share the generosity with someone else...like, perhaps, my daughter??? But, we don't always get what we wish for. I was really tired during the first trimester of this pregnancy, but I also was n-o-t NOT feeling well, so it didn't seem all that weird when I couldn't scrounge up the energy to bring my daughter to the park, the pool, the...anywhere, much less cook and clean...... I literally offered her dry cereal for one of her meals some days because that is all that I could do. And don't get any visions of some cute little picnic with dry cereal in a bowl and a nice glass of cold juice. Nope, I'd just hand her the box. Well, it's back....except, this time it's missing the whole not feeling well thing (thankfully) so it feels really strange to not have the energy to go places (and here is where I add, just a little, not thankfully about not feeling well, because now I feel guilty for being so tired, instead of blaming it on not feeling well). During the second trimester, and pre-pregnancy, we went somewhere almost every morning, and EVERY evening that Hubby Chad had to work (or sleep, depending upon which shift he had). Being so tired, It's actually not too good for my self-esteem. Who doesn't have energy to find a meal for their little one? What other mom needs to wake their husband (after he has slept for just four or five hours) because you are so tired you're in tears (even though you got a full eight hours of sleep during the night)? I feel guilty that I look forward to every moment Cheerio sits in quiet time, but still I secretly set the timer for 1 or 2 extra minutes, because that's one or two extra minutes I can sit and veg. I simply cannot function like this. And, remember, Cheerio's not a great sleeper, which makes the struggle that much more difficult. I do think I have a little more energy now than before, but perhaps that's just because I'm not feeling sick? I mean, I have still been making it to the gym to swim three times a week-well, as long as there is an open lane! I'm not so good at sharing... In my struggle with energy, it has been suggested more than once that if I just get out there and do it, exercise will actually provide me with energy, all I need to do is make it a routine. And gosh, I tried SO HARD, many times, to make it work....it doesn't. I need to give up something, like cleaning my house and making meals, in order to find the energy for exercise. And I just can't live like that, either. There are two things I found that I managed to continue with. Dojo-style Karate, which got much too expensive, plus I moved away from the...uhm...studio? I was taking it through, plus I have even less spending money now...much, much less. And swimming. Swimming is my life. Swimming is my joy. I think I am part mermaid, I love it that much. Really, I just love water; I don't even have to be in it, just near it, to be wrapped in a personal bliss, surrounded with happiness and filled to the brim with joy. I feel relaxed, stress free, happy around water. I think I *need* a house on a beach..seeing the ocean waves every day....no? Okay, a lake...a pond? At least a backyard pool! Unless I can somehow do some major convincing, none of that will happen. Hubby Chad is petrified of kids drowning when moms not looking, apparently. Which is interesting, because his parents live on a pond, and when we lived near them, we were there almost every day just to get out on the pond. Paddle boating, fishing, sitting on the grass, listening to the waves lapping gently against the dock and the loons calling to one another....he likes water, too (even if he doesn't like to get in it).

Anyways, I got lost on a tangent. So I might be feeling more energetic than during the first trimester, because I can still go swimming (only if Hubby Chad comes along to help with Cheerio, though now that I think of it we still went swimming as a family during my first trimester, too), and I can still find and make meals, for all three meals of the day. But, at the same time, maybe that's only because I finally gave in, and I am drinking the coffee I have craved off and on this whole pregnancy. Yes, dear friends and family, you read that right, coffee. Me, drinking coffee...you're just gonna have to come visit now so you can see it! (just please, forgive me if I don't do any cleaning or laundry in preparation for your stay...it might be safer to get a hotel ;) ) I never thought I would see the day. But, mmmmm, all that caffeine, its delightful! Please, please, please let this be some pregnancy thing that I'll drop when the baby is born. (yes, some women give up their coffee habit for their dear wee ones growing in their bellies, I pick it up instead). And that coffee, all that does is help me find the energy for the basics. The making of meals, the plopping of the dishes in the dishwasher, the reading of books to my daughter, the putting on of clothes in the mornings. And even then I often shed a tear or two once I lay in bed for the night, because it feels sooo good to be there, I am that tired. I have never been more thankful for modern conveniences....like dishwashers, and pizza delivery, and *ahem* Kindles with kids apps that keep a little girl entertained for a full hour...so I apologize in advance if this blog gets pretty quiet, unsightful, boring, uninteresting, lame. I will probably be in bed sleeping instead of coming up with blog posts...like I am heading for now...Hope you all are feeling much more energetic and at peace with your lives! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...............

I am so blessed!

Pulling An All-Nighter

Back in my (pre)teens, staying up all night--you had to be awake until at least 7 am for it to count--referred to as an "all-nighter", was deemed a pretty cool thing to do and I'd have to say that I wasn't very "cool". I only ever pulled one "true" all-nighter--and thought to myself, "never again!" I was not made to stay up all night. I was not even made to stay up late at night....generally speaking, midnight is my quota-I've been up way past bedtime by then! Anyways, my all-nighter experience was terrible, being so tired I cannot even function. At that point easy words like "shirt" totally evade my mind and I am left going "I put on my pants and my uhm.....my -you know, my...like...the green...uh, THING!............SHIRT! That's what I'm trying to say!" Being so tired my stomach rolls and tosses....my eyes feel grainy...my limbs don't respond when I tell them to move...just walking down a hall feels like a bigger effort than climbing Mount Everest would be. I do believe I could never work overnights, and have never once attempted such a silly thing (and am thankful for those who can and do-Dr's, nurses, firemen, etc), because I know what I am like when I don't get my sleep--a Momma BEAR who's child has just been threatened, not to mention those sick feelings and being unable to function properly. And so, getting up with my sweetie is probably the most difficult thing I am expected to do as a mom. And, unfortunately, I got blessed with a daughter who isn't that great a sleeper. Still, at almost three years old, it seems like we are awake nights more often than not. If anything, anything wakes her, she cannot get back to sleep. She gets up to pee (already-I'm not exactly sure why we bother with diapers anymore except that probably once a month she does actually sleep through it, or something), she gets up with growing pains, she gets up when she's sick, she gets up for reasons I just cannot figure out--did she hear daddy come home? Did she have a nightmare? Did she get too many cups of cocoa (caffeine)? Last night was one of those nights...the ones where I have no idea what originally woke her...but she came sauntering into our bedroom completely awake around 2:30 am.....and couldn't fall back to sleep until sometime after 5. Now, I know that isn't exactly grounds for an all-nighter, but at this stage in my life it still feels like one! I wish I had some super secret trick for getting her to fall back to sleep. We've tried letting her get up to play-sometimes she plays very happily, sometimes she is so tired she begs to rock, or simply lays on the floor and looks at her toys halfheartedly. Either way, getting up doesn't seem to help her fall back to sleep any sooner, it still takes hours once we settle her back into bed. We have tried lullabies, we have tried snuggles, we have tried rocking....for hours and hours. We have tried essential oils, we've (in desperation) tried Tylenol justincaseshewaswakingupfrompain. We try warm bottles- every time. She sleeps with a special lovey, she still gets a paci. We have tried making her lay in a dark room...with us and without us...she tosses and turns, she sighs and rubs her eyes, she moans and flips....yes for hours. If we make her do it alone, sometimes she cries...and cries...and cries.... and so it's been easiest just to either get up, or get half-sleep while she tosses beside me. The only suggestion I can think of that we haven't tried is to let her cry it out all night long. I think I've topped it off at a half hour, and even that was an incredibly agonizing, I am so desperate and tired and I disappeared to cry myself half hour...because I can't last longer than that knowing my child is, or might be, crying. I'm not judging moms who do, I am sure there are things I do that they could not do. I am just saying that I cannot imagine what that would feel like to just need... whatever it is she needs- and have no one there for comfort. With all that, I'm getting nervous for life with nursing baby plus non-sleeping three year old...I think it will take a miracle....is there anything I haven't tried? Help me out, please! Now, excuse me while I go get some sleep!

My (Over-Done) "It's Cold Outside" Post

Blog posts about the cold are probably getting a bit overdone, but here are my two cents on the matter... Number one, I am not one who will complain about it. Nor do I like commenting on how cold it is. I live in an area where I can expect bitter cold in the winter, and overly hot and muggy in the summer, so why act like someone has done me a wrong when I get what I know is *reasonably expected*? Really, the cold did not get to me. On the coldest day (yup, I get that we didn't get as cold as all you MN's, but it was still cold..I know for sure it hit fourteen below, and probably even lower) Hubby Chad and Cheerio bundled up and partially cleared the snow off our balcony with her little sand shovel. They couldn't have been out there more than ten minutes, but she was still very happy to have made it out to play in the "no"-one of her absolute favorite things to do (okay, she has a lot of absolute favorites). And the rest of the day, we enjoyed a fire and made dairy-free cookies, and sipped our "coffees" (aka hot cocoa) out of snowman cups. It was pleasant. It was restful. It was a change of pace from our normal day-to-day craziness.

found here

And number two, since I said there was two cents worth, is that I actually do enjoy winter. As much as I am a sun-worshiping, summer-loving, hot-weather-hog, there is a special thrill and excitement in winter that I think I would truly miss if I lived somewhere without cold. There is a beauty winter holds that nothing can beat. I mean, look at this: 

© Jenae Karvonen 2012

and this:

© Jenae Karvonen 2012

© Jenae Karvonen 2012, 2012, and 2010

and this, and this, and this:

I mean seriously, where would I be if I did not have the opportunity to enjoy all this beauty? I am sure you know that a photo just cannot capture what being there felt like, I am only giving you the slightest glimpse of one small detail. Without winter I would be missing out on so much mother nature has to offer me... And have you ever stepped outside on a cold, clear night (better yet, gone ice skating??) when the stars really do hang like diamonds in the sky, and the air....I cannot even begin to describe the air. It has a certain smell that will clear your mind and lift your spirits in a way that no summer ever can. You know that just-after-it-rains-and-everything-feels-new smell? A winter night is like that, only more inspiring. So really, every winter, I do discover there is a summer inside me, because winter brings those feelings out in a way that summer somehow lacks. Every summer I forget how wonderful winter makes me feel, and start thinking I could live without cold weather. Then winter comes along and *WHAM* I am hit with this internal summer, this internal joy springing up from somewhere deep with in me. Everything is clean, fresh, pure.....and cold.

(F)oto Friday!-It's Friday, right??

I just cannot keep track of the days right now! With the holidays, and my husband working a little extra, and us staying home a LOT more than usual (Cheerio just hasn't wanted to leave the house-I think she's feeling a bit under the weather, and possibly even growing, too?) everything feels all mashed together. So....I THINK it's Friday! :) And today, my daughter and I finished up our Christmas projects ;), let me show you how we filled our cold and windy evening:

© Jenae Karvonen 2014

© Jenae Karvonen 2014

               

© Jenae Karvonen 2014

© Jenae Karvonen 0169

The train is completely Cheerio's design (which is why I decided to make it a "lay flat" instead of standing upright, that way it was easier for her to do whatever she wanted), and I absolutely love the way it turned out! Okay, I did help her with the "color pattern" on the last car, but everything else is her doing!! It has been hard for me to learn to just sit back and allow kids to be creative in their own way, but I am so glad I have gotten better at this! I love the way things turn out when she is allowed to do what she wants, and I am not telling her where things are "supposed" to go, or how they are "supposed" to look. Believe me, we had a number of silly looking turkeys around Thanksgiving time, because I decided not to show her exactly where that gobbler was supposed to go, or where the feet belonged (she did have an example of what the project looked like, but chose to do her own thing anyway), but that just made me treasure them even more! I hope you all are also finding ways to stay warm!