Introversion is a topic that is very important to me; something I think I have spent quite a bit of time researching and working to understand. I once took the Myers-Briggs personality test at a psychiatrists office, and scored 100% for introversion (more on that in part three). So, I know I am introverted, but I sometimes dislike describing myself as introverted, because I feel like people have the wrong impression of introverts and what that actually means. It seems as if there are so many stereotypes and myths surrounding introversion and what the introverted person looks like. To many people, the introvert is the wall-flower. The hide-in-the-corner book nerd. The eccentric artist who spends all her time immersed in her latest creation. The stuck-up snob who is too good to talk to you. The kid who will never pass speech class. The loner... Just how many of these impressions are correct? Are any of them true? What is introversion, and what does it look like?
Before we get too far, I want to state that I really don't claim to be an expert on the topic: I have never had schooling in introversion, and don't intend to take it that far. This is simply a collection of my personal hours of research, and my own thoughts and feelings as an introvert myself. That being said, lets get started:
Before we get too far, I want to state that I really don't claim to be an expert on the topic: I have never had schooling in introversion, and don't intend to take it that far. This is simply a collection of my personal hours of research, and my own thoughts and feelings as an introvert myself. That being said, lets get started:
Introversion: inward turning, or focusing more on internal thoughts, feelings and moods rather than seeking out external stimulation or social contacts
VS.
Extroversion: the directing of one's interest outwards, especially towards social contacts
To me, the simplest way to describe it is to say that introversion means you gain energy when you are alone. You gather energy from quiet moments, from times within yourself, and you expend it when you are interacting with others, and/or in a highly stimulating environment. Extroversion, on the other hand, means that you gather energy from those around you, and/or from interaction with your environment. Essentially, that's it. There are common traits that introverts share, but not all traits apply to every introvert. Regardless, here are a few common traits I have gathered:
Introverts:
-tend to keep emotions private (We like to process our emotions on our own time, rather than sharing them with others)
-are thoughtful (We tend to think about things more than others do)
-are interested in self-understanding (We like to know about ourselves and understand who we are)
-enjoy solitude and downtime (A full day at home alone often sounds inviting, and neccesary to us)
-are quiet/reserved in large groups/around unfamiliar people while more sociable with people they know well (We like to be comfortable with you before sharing too much of ourselves, we need to trust you first)
-observe things closely and learn well through observation (maybe because we're not so busy talking?)
-notice details before others (in our surroundings or in others)
-like to focus on the big picture rather than get caught up in details (in abstract thinking)
-have a small group of friends with profound relationships
-prefer one-on-one interaction
-love philosophical/thought-provoking/meaningful conversations (Easier to have in one-on-one communication)
-find small talk difficult (We feel as though it creates a barrier between us and the other person and without that connection, we find it pointless and boring)
-want full understanding of a matter before forming an opinion
-like to think before they speak
-are better at communicating in writing (When we have something important to say, we feel we are better at explaining ourselves when we write it to you instead of telling you face to face)
-when at a party, like to wait for friends or activities to pick them rather than inviting themselves in (Sometimes this can lead to feelings of loneliness in a crowd, if nothing comes our way)
-like to focus on one thing at a time
-will screen ALL calls, even those from friends and family members (And not because we're angry or upset with you! We will call you back when we feel mentally prepared to talk)
-get overwhelmed in excess stimulation (We will become tired/unresponsive after being out and about too long, will often zone out at this point)
-become stressed by busy-ness or a lot of socialization ("Everything introverts do in the outside world causes them to expend energy, after which they'll need to go back and replenish their stores in a quiet environment," says Sophia Dembling, author of "The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World,"
Even knowing these traits, it can be difficult to determine if someone else is an introvert or an extrovert (it's become a sort of game to me to try determine which one a person is). Determining an introvert is sort of like looking at a spectrum of colors, where each one is just slightly less pink than the next, while both sides of the spectrum, on their own, could each be considered "pink". You can have a larger tendency towards introversion than the introvert standing next to you, and thus are likely to display more of the common traits. Or you can have a larger tendency one month than the next, especially if you are in a busy or overwhelming time in your life. You can have a 1% tendency towards introversion, almost gaining your energy equally from yourself as from others, or you can score really high, sometimes even hitting 100% introversion, like me. Many introverts, because of societal pressures, have become very good at acting like extroverts when they are out with others. They have learned to share their emotions, initiate conversations, engage in small talk, etc because our society tells us that this is the way we need to be. (They have just become good a creating their alone time later on). Even I was once under the impression that I could walk into a room and pick out which persons there were introverts and which ones were extroverts. It's a bit more difficult than that, however. "Spotting the introvert can be harder than finding Waldo," Sophia Dembling told the Huffington Post. I've experienced this myself. Even though I identify myself as an introvert, and I feel I have spent many hours researching what introversion is, I had Cheerio pegged as an extrovert for a long time. In fact, it wasn't until recently that I realized I had been wrong. Because my daughter loves to go and do, and she spends ALL. DAY. LONG. talking my ear off, she completely wears me out by the end of the day. So, naturally, I thought she was an extrovert...didn't she love to get out of the house? Didn't she have too much energy to sit and read a book, much less eat a full meal? Didn't she LOVE to talk? Didn't she simply exhaust my stores as an introvert? Check, check, check, check....extrovert! After all, she was exhausting me, and going, going, going, so she MUST be an extrovert, right? But then, I started to notice a few other things. Sure, she loved getting out and doing things....but it wasn't that she wanted to interact with people, or go to the noisy amusement parks. She wanted to go to the park, and spend the hour in the quietest corner, peeling the bark from the tree (it was a long time before she even had interest in slides and swings, where all the rest of the kids hung out). She wanted to go to the quiet library and spend the day playing with the stuffed dog there. If anyone else came to play, she would simply walk away. From day one, a large crowd overwhelmed her. As a little baby when I'd take her to the mall, or into some other noisy, chaotic environment...she would do one of two things, cry or sleep. Or cry herself to sleep. This clearly shows she was overwhelmed by all the people, all the noise and external stimulation. To this day, she gets easily overwhelmed when we first go somewhere with a large crowd, or lots of noise. Given time to observe her surroundings, and gather her energy, she will enjoy herself there. She just needs to know what she's getting into. Yes, she is a talker! To me. Or her dad. Slowly, to her grandma(s) and grandpa(s). She has to feel totally comfortable with you before she brings out this particular trait. This has introvert written all over it. Introverts prefer to talk to people they already know, people they trust. Yes, she still has too much energy to read a long book, or sit for a full meal, but the amount of energy does not indicate extroversion over introversion, rather the indicator is where she generates that energy. Is it when she is alone, or when she is with others? Clearly, she is one who enjoys her 'quiet' moments. But, she had me fooled for the first two and a half years of her life. And I should have known better. Do you think she can still grow up to 'become' an extrovert? Do you think life experiences can change us from one to the other? Or do you think we're born (and stuck) with what we've got? (I could just come out and tell you what I think, but that'd be boring.)
Introverts:
-tend to keep emotions private (We like to process our emotions on our own time, rather than sharing them with others)
-are thoughtful (We tend to think about things more than others do)
-are interested in self-understanding (We like to know about ourselves and understand who we are)
-enjoy solitude and downtime (A full day at home alone often sounds inviting, and neccesary to us)
-are quiet/reserved in large groups/around unfamiliar people while more sociable with people they know well (We like to be comfortable with you before sharing too much of ourselves, we need to trust you first)
-observe things closely and learn well through observation (maybe because we're not so busy talking?)
-notice details before others (in our surroundings or in others)
-like to focus on the big picture rather than get caught up in details (in abstract thinking)
-have a small group of friends with profound relationships
-prefer one-on-one interaction
-love philosophical/thought-provoking/meaningful conversations (Easier to have in one-on-one communication)
-find small talk difficult (We feel as though it creates a barrier between us and the other person and without that connection, we find it pointless and boring)
-want full understanding of a matter before forming an opinion
-like to think before they speak
-are better at communicating in writing (When we have something important to say, we feel we are better at explaining ourselves when we write it to you instead of telling you face to face)
-when at a party, like to wait for friends or activities to pick them rather than inviting themselves in (Sometimes this can lead to feelings of loneliness in a crowd, if nothing comes our way)
-like to focus on one thing at a time
-will screen ALL calls, even those from friends and family members (And not because we're angry or upset with you! We will call you back when we feel mentally prepared to talk)
-get overwhelmed in excess stimulation (We will become tired/unresponsive after being out and about too long, will often zone out at this point)
-become stressed by busy-ness or a lot of socialization ("Everything introverts do in the outside world causes them to expend energy, after which they'll need to go back and replenish their stores in a quiet environment," says Sophia Dembling, author of "The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World,"
Even knowing these traits, it can be difficult to determine if someone else is an introvert or an extrovert (it's become a sort of game to me to try determine which one a person is). Determining an introvert is sort of like looking at a spectrum of colors, where each one is just slightly less pink than the next, while both sides of the spectrum, on their own, could each be considered "pink". You can have a larger tendency towards introversion than the introvert standing next to you, and thus are likely to display more of the common traits. Or you can have a larger tendency one month than the next, especially if you are in a busy or overwhelming time in your life. You can have a 1% tendency towards introversion, almost gaining your energy equally from yourself as from others, or you can score really high, sometimes even hitting 100% introversion, like me. Many introverts, because of societal pressures, have become very good at acting like extroverts when they are out with others. They have learned to share their emotions, initiate conversations, engage in small talk, etc because our society tells us that this is the way we need to be. (They have just become good a creating their alone time later on). Even I was once under the impression that I could walk into a room and pick out which persons there were introverts and which ones were extroverts. It's a bit more difficult than that, however. "Spotting the introvert can be harder than finding Waldo," Sophia Dembling told the Huffington Post. I've experienced this myself. Even though I identify myself as an introvert, and I feel I have spent many hours researching what introversion is, I had Cheerio pegged as an extrovert for a long time. In fact, it wasn't until recently that I realized I had been wrong. Because my daughter loves to go and do, and she spends ALL. DAY. LONG. talking my ear off, she completely wears me out by the end of the day. So, naturally, I thought she was an extrovert...didn't she love to get out of the house? Didn't she have too much energy to sit and read a book, much less eat a full meal? Didn't she LOVE to talk? Didn't she simply exhaust my stores as an introvert? Check, check, check, check....extrovert! After all, she was exhausting me, and going, going, going, so she MUST be an extrovert, right? But then, I started to notice a few other things. Sure, she loved getting out and doing things....but it wasn't that she wanted to interact with people, or go to the noisy amusement parks. She wanted to go to the park, and spend the hour in the quietest corner, peeling the bark from the tree (it was a long time before she even had interest in slides and swings, where all the rest of the kids hung out). She wanted to go to the quiet library and spend the day playing with the stuffed dog there. If anyone else came to play, she would simply walk away. From day one, a large crowd overwhelmed her. As a little baby when I'd take her to the mall, or into some other noisy, chaotic environment...she would do one of two things, cry or sleep. Or cry herself to sleep. This clearly shows she was overwhelmed by all the people, all the noise and external stimulation. To this day, she gets easily overwhelmed when we first go somewhere with a large crowd, or lots of noise. Given time to observe her surroundings, and gather her energy, she will enjoy herself there. She just needs to know what she's getting into. Yes, she is a talker! To me. Or her dad. Slowly, to her grandma(s) and grandpa(s). She has to feel totally comfortable with you before she brings out this particular trait. This has introvert written all over it. Introverts prefer to talk to people they already know, people they trust. Yes, she still has too much energy to read a long book, or sit for a full meal, but the amount of energy does not indicate extroversion over introversion, rather the indicator is where she generates that energy. Is it when she is alone, or when she is with others? Clearly, she is one who enjoys her 'quiet' moments. But, she had me fooled for the first two and a half years of her life. And I should have known better. Do you think she can still grow up to 'become' an extrovert? Do you think life experiences can change us from one to the other? Or do you think we're born (and stuck) with what we've got? (I could just come out and tell you what I think, but that'd be boring.)
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| I think this could be titled, how to interact with introverts |
Are you an extrovert? Or an introvert? And what helps you determine that?
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