I can feel the ground crumbling beneath my feet. The once solid places breaking off, slipping away out of site. I can feel my path becoming weaker and weaker, and it seems that there is nothing I can do about it. It's going to disappear completely soon. It is so illogical, this feeling of being less than the person I know I am. I reach out to steady myself. To find that center, that strong core that I know is in me. It was there just a month ago. A day ago. Even an hour ago, perhaps. I was feeling better, I know I was. I was confident and self-assured. I was happy. I want so desperately to be happy, Now. So, what changed? There is no tangible part of my life that is harder, lesser, unforgiving. No one has teased me or turned on me. I changed. But why? I want to know just as badly as you do. Probably more so.
There is no answer. And that is the hardest thing to accept.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Thinking of you! Yes, tomorrow will be better, although sometimes it seems like "tomorrow" takes more than one day to come. It does always seem like things get better eventually, though!
ReplyDeleteThank you! As they say "tomorrow" never comes and yet "tomorrow" is only a day away! And in my case, it WAS a better day!
DeleteIt's a question I've asked myself a million times! You're right that there is no answer. The fact that you want to be stronger proves that you already are strong. Fighting depression is hard work!!! It takes strength not to give in to its power and just give up. The best way I've found to be happy is to put a smile on your face (forced or not). Eventually your body doesn't know the difference between smiling because you are truly happy and the happy feeling you get from just smiling. Hint: it's easiest to smile if you say your kid's name.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouraging words!! The power of a smile and some positive thinking is amazing, isn't it?
DeleteHugs to you, my dear. Hoping today was a better day, even if only in some small way. For me, the first step is often to recognize what is going on and realize these thoughts and feelings may not be "truth", but rather skewed by my clouded perception. Then, to try to take some action to change my current state of being. And, in the meantime, allow myself some space and grace and forgiveness and permission to start fresh. Hoping the sun shines for you again soon.
ReplyDeleteSorry, it's hard for me to put my thoughts into sentences when typing with one finger on my phone! I wanted to say that it sounds like you have already realized what is happening, and recognized what is going on. While I can't help you answer the questions as to why, I hope that you can find the way back to A more peaceful state of being.
DeleteThank you so much! Such a great reminder that these words are not "truth" at all!
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