Hit by a Truck....

that's all I can say. The sandman, he's been overly generous with my portion of sand lately, and I'm kinda wishing he'd share the generosity with someone else...like, perhaps, my daughter??? But, we don't always get what we wish for. I was really tired during the first trimester of this pregnancy, but I also was n-o-t NOT feeling well, so it didn't seem all that weird when I couldn't scrounge up the energy to bring my daughter to the park, the pool, the...anywhere, much less cook and clean...... I literally offered her dry cereal for one of her meals some days because that is all that I could do. And don't get any visions of some cute little picnic with dry cereal in a bowl and a nice glass of cold juice. Nope, I'd just hand her the box. Well, it's back....except, this time it's missing the whole not feeling well thing (thankfully) so it feels really strange to not have the energy to go places (and here is where I add, just a little, not thankfully about not feeling well, because now I feel guilty for being so tired, instead of blaming it on not feeling well). During the second trimester, and pre-pregnancy, we went somewhere almost every morning, and EVERY evening that Hubby Chad had to work (or sleep, depending upon which shift he had). Being so tired, It's actually not too good for my self-esteem. Who doesn't have energy to find a meal for their little one? What other mom needs to wake their husband (after he has slept for just four or five hours) because you are so tired you're in tears (even though you got a full eight hours of sleep during the night)? I feel guilty that I look forward to every moment Cheerio sits in quiet time, but still I secretly set the timer for 1 or 2 extra minutes, because that's one or two extra minutes I can sit and veg. I simply cannot function like this. And, remember, Cheerio's not a great sleeper, which makes the struggle that much more difficult. I do think I have a little more energy now than before, but perhaps that's just because I'm not feeling sick? I mean, I have still been making it to the gym to swim three times a week-well, as long as there is an open lane! I'm not so good at sharing... In my struggle with energy, it has been suggested more than once that if I just get out there and do it, exercise will actually provide me with energy, all I need to do is make it a routine. And gosh, I tried SO HARD, many times, to make it work....it doesn't. I need to give up something, like cleaning my house and making meals, in order to find the energy for exercise. And I just can't live like that, either. There are two things I found that I managed to continue with. Dojo-style Karate, which got much too expensive, plus I moved away from the...uhm...studio? I was taking it through, plus I have even less spending money now...much, much less. And swimming. Swimming is my life. Swimming is my joy. I think I am part mermaid, I love it that much. Really, I just love water; I don't even have to be in it, just near it, to be wrapped in a personal bliss, surrounded with happiness and filled to the brim with joy. I feel relaxed, stress free, happy around water. I think I *need* a house on a beach..seeing the ocean waves every day....no? Okay, a lake...a pond? At least a backyard pool! Unless I can somehow do some major convincing, none of that will happen. Hubby Chad is petrified of kids drowning when moms not looking, apparently. Which is interesting, because his parents live on a pond, and when we lived near them, we were there almost every day just to get out on the pond. Paddle boating, fishing, sitting on the grass, listening to the waves lapping gently against the dock and the loons calling to one another....he likes water, too (even if he doesn't like to get in it).

Anyways, I got lost on a tangent. So I might be feeling more energetic than during the first trimester, because I can still go swimming (only if Hubby Chad comes along to help with Cheerio, though now that I think of it we still went swimming as a family during my first trimester, too), and I can still find and make meals, for all three meals of the day. But, at the same time, maybe that's only because I finally gave in, and I am drinking the coffee I have craved off and on this whole pregnancy. Yes, dear friends and family, you read that right, coffee. Me, drinking coffee...you're just gonna have to come visit now so you can see it! (just please, forgive me if I don't do any cleaning or laundry in preparation for your stay...it might be safer to get a hotel ;) ) I never thought I would see the day. But, mmmmm, all that caffeine, its delightful! Please, please, please let this be some pregnancy thing that I'll drop when the baby is born. (yes, some women give up their coffee habit for their dear wee ones growing in their bellies, I pick it up instead). And that coffee, all that does is help me find the energy for the basics. The making of meals, the plopping of the dishes in the dishwasher, the reading of books to my daughter, the putting on of clothes in the mornings. And even then I often shed a tear or two once I lay in bed for the night, because it feels sooo good to be there, I am that tired. I have never been more thankful for modern conveniences....like dishwashers, and pizza delivery, and *ahem* Kindles with kids apps that keep a little girl entertained for a full hour...so I apologize in advance if this blog gets pretty quiet, unsightful, boring, uninteresting, lame. I will probably be in bed sleeping instead of coming up with blog posts...like I am heading for now...Hope you all are feeling much more energetic and at peace with your lives! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...............