Recovering From A Bad Night

We are often told that the phrase "I'm sorry" doesn't fix anything, but that one little phrase is actually quite powerful. While it may have originated as a reminder not to hurt one another, or perhaps it just meant that it's the feelings behind the words that count, it has been skewed almost to the point where we believe an apology can't and won't help in creating the change we want.

We had one of those nights in our home last week-you know the kind. The baby (Jumper) was crying and wouldn't go to sleep, there was music playing the the background and in the background of that the dishwasher was running and the air conditioner was on, and in the foreground Cheerio was asking way too many why questions for my brain to keep up, there were Lego's strewn on the floor and in the process of trying to avoid them I kept smashing cold cereal and crackers into the carpet. No one had eaten a real supper, and we were likely all hungry, but I couldn't figure out a reasonable meal between the crying and the asking and the mess. I had had too many late nights combined with too many early mornings- I was tired. My brain was shutting down and was annoyed that it had to keep coming up with 'because' responses until it finally just refused, and when it did, that's when it happened. I yelled. I hollered. I blew up. I lost it. I screamed at the top of my lungs something like "Just BECAUSE that's the way it IS! And DARN IT would you JUST GO TO SLEEP ALREADY!!!!" And I probably stomped my foot and I may have thrown things to the floor which sent Cheerio scampering off to hide in her bedroom like she does, and set the baby to crying louder and harder. And then I felt like a terrible person, I mean, who hollers at such sweet little kids? Certainly not the first time I've done it. In the past I have made a point to come back after I've calmed down and tell my children that I should not have gotten angry like that. That I was tired and hungry, that they caught me at a bad time, that I had a headache, whatever, but that it was not right for me to take it out on them. I say sorry. I tell them I love them. We snuggle and kiss and try to restore some small part of trust that was lost in our exchange. And I did it that night, but I forgot one small part that was glaringly obvious to my daughter. I came into my four year old's room and wrapped her in my arms and explained to her all that had gone wrong, what I had done wrong, how much I loved her and what a great, loving, inquisitive little girl she was. And then I tried to send her on her way. But, she instantly burst into tears. That was unusual, so back into my lap she came. "Oh, honey, whats wrong? Why are you still crying?" I asked. "It's okay!" I reassured her. "You don't need to cry."

"B-b-but, but, b-but....You didn't say I'm Sorry yet!" She sobbed.

And so I did. And so she dried her eyes, and accepted another hug, and picked up her dinosaur's and went off to play. So you see, my friends, "I'm sorry" really can fix everything. At least when you're four.


What do you do in your house to reconnect with your children after a bad night? Do you think saying "I'm Sorry" helps at all?